RADIO ZERO

Who Invited That Guy?

Here at Radio Zero, we believe it is much more important to appear intelligent than to actually be intelligent.

That's why there was cause for excitement when we scored an advance copy of "TheiConciseiGuide toiSoundingiSmart atiParties."

Everyone else must wait until October to buy this book. But as a reader of this blog, you have an exclusive preview. Soon, you can lay legitmate claim to being the erudite raconteur extraordinaire that everyone wants to talk to at parties.

"The Concise Guide" grips you from the very start with strategies detailing how you can bring up Hannibal [247 BC - 183 BC] in conversation ("There's more foreigners here than in Hannibal's army") and it never lets go.

Here are just two more bon mots to mix with your pink drinks:

How to Bring Up Richard Wagner in Conversation
"Dude! Maybe it's time to get a little Richard Wagner and compose yourself."

How to Bring Up Bob Fosse in Conversation
"Hey now! Those are some sexy moves. Been taking dance lessons from Bob Fosse?"

Of course, if you want to truly appear intelligent at parties, you'll need to back up such powerful entrees to conversation with some actual knowledge of culture and history. We at Radio Zero, however, are a bit intimidated by things like the sheer enormity of recorded history, and would much rather leave that stuff to the professionals to figure out. In fact, we would rather just not read at all unless we really have to.


Rest assured, the authors have done all that reading for us. And they present the annals of history with such rapier wit that we found ourselves just laughing too hard to realize that we were taking in the accumulated wisdom of a civilization many millenia in the making. (In fact, through this book, we've also learned that 'annals' is actually spelled with two N's)

For instance, in the section "J. Robert Oppenheimer Was Da Bomb," we learn that the titular scientist was "appointed to lead the Manhattan Project -- the government team responsible for creating the first nuclear bomb, not the Alan Parsons Project, the rock band responsible for creating explosive pop music."

And in "Hitler 101," we learn that Der Fuhrer blamed Jews "as the source of all problems in the world with not even one nice word at least admitting how delicious bagels are."

The authors have a firm grasp of their incredibly varied subject matter and are imminently qualified to present it in an entertaining yet informative way. DavidiMatalon is a feature film director (he's wrapping up production oniVolleygirlias we speak), and ChrisiWoolsey is a freelance writer, 'youth speaker' and actor. We may not ever be lucky enough to see these Hollywood power brokers in action at a party, but with this book, we don't need to.

Anyway, to quote Mr. T, enough jibber jabber. There's so much to take away from "The Concise Guide," but here's just a small sampling of more smart-sounding subjects sure to stimulate scintillating small talk at the next soiree that has the honor of your presence:

How to Bring Up Smallpox in Conversation
"Agh! I've got this thing on my face that makes me look like I've got variola major."

How to Bring Up Sir Walter Raliegh in Conversation
"Girl, I can't believe you took credit for that. You totally just pulled a Raleigh."

How to Bring Up Bhopal in Conversation
"Don't you hate people who make empty promises like Union Carbide at Bhopal?"

How to Bring Up John Wayne Gacy in Conversation
"That guy's house stank so bad, I thought John Wayne Gacy was renting a room."

How to Bring Up Anton Chekov in Conversation
"Ya gotta chickity Chekov yourself before you wreck yourself by getting too serious about things."